Dogs' Letters to God
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,
smell one another? Where are their priorities?
That was my intention. If they did smell one another,
all human families would have a litter of 12 to 18
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or
is it the same old story?
No dear friend. Feel free to eat the couch.
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar,
the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and
the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often
do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice
ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model,
but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the
You've never heard of Greyhound Bus, or seen the hood
ornament of a Mack truck?
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human
hears him, is he still a bad dog?
No. It is the human who is bad for not coming to see
why it is you are barking.
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have
No, that is a rumor the cats started. The tables have
3 inch legs.
If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?
It depends on how you treat your dog.
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Would you like some Italians with that?
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake
hands to get in?
Yes. (But don't tell the humans - it's the secret way
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent
IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight
paths. What do humans understand?
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I
have been howling at the moon and stars for a long
time, but all I ever hear back is the schnauzer across
I have given every populated world its own dog equivalent.
The lead species of each needs your love and devotion.
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have
No. Humans have their sports, mailmen are yours.
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants
because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order?
Or is it the carpets thing again?
No. It's just because not all of you dogs live in Great
May I have my testicles back?
Yes. I often wonder if I shouldn't have left them off